Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
