I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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