I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
