Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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