You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
