That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
