Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
