the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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