I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
