I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
