ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
