dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
