"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
