you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
