Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think I sprained my soul last night
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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