Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Im part way to drunk.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
