Got a toothbrush?
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
