It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
