Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
