We're facebook friends in real life
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
