why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
