20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
