can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he was CRYING into my vagina
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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