saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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