Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
