I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
