Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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