I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
