dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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