Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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