actually, I'm a sock model
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
