that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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