Plan B is the new Plan A
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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