i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
