You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
