there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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