I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She's the barista slut.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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