does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
