Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
