Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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