Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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