I need help removing her.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
