i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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