and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
