I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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