Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
