turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
