I could have mohawked her pubes.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
