Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
