My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
