i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
