I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
