Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
