you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
